


there for you.

by PlagueAngel



Category: Cytus (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26961985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlagueAngel/pseuds/PlagueAngel
Summary: Vanessa just wants to keep quiet, unassuming, and not make Ivy's life any more difficult than it needs to be. She'll bottle up her pain and bite her lips until they bleed. Why is that so hard?
Relationships: Ivy | OPCI_2501_IV/Vanessa | OPCI_2501_V
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	there for you.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! vanessa uses a lot of self-loathing/guilty language in this fic, and if you know that might hit too close to home for you, please steer clear!

Vanessa peered over her girlfriend’s shoulder to take a look at the complicated code on her computer screen. Ivy shifted in her chair, taking Vanessa’s hand and giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “My love, I’ll be there in a second, okay?” 

“What are you doing?” she asked, resting her chin on the top of Ivy’s head. 

“I’m helping Mr. Neumann,” Ivy said, soft, still not letting go of Vanessa’s hand. “He’s just given me some work to do, cracking ancient technology, you know… Vanessa, if you really need anything,” she continued, “please tell me. Please. Work can wait.” She tapped Vanessa’s arm to tell her to let up, then turned and blinked at Vanessa, her red eyes full of worry. Vanessa felt a twinge of guilt.  _ She _ was the cause of all of this. Ivy was losing sleep over  _ her.  _ She resolved not to bother her with anything, and just let her finish this in peace. 

“Okay. Thank you... but I’m fine.” Vanessa let Ivy’s hand drop back to the armrest, before retreating back into the other room. The second she was out of sight, she felt her knees buckle, and she stumbled to the couch to sit down. Her body had been malfunctioning for a little while now, but she didn’t want to bother Ivy, not while she was busy. Vanessa figured that was the least she could do—she’d already caused enough problems.  _ I can deal with this. She’ll be done soon… I just have to hold out a little longer…  _

She stood, shakily, wavering on uncertain feet. Holding onto the couch’s armrest, she looked around, already forgetting what she’d stood up to do. Wait—that’s right, she’d wanted to get the book off the desk to curl up with it on the couch. Vanessa took a tentative step towards the desk, but her vision blurred and went patchy, and she stopped and grabbed the couch again. She gritted her teeth.  _ This shouldn’t be this hard—I’m just walking a couple feet to grab a book.  _ Vanessa went to take another step, but found that her right leg seemed not to get the memo. The dead weight of her stupid uncooperative leg hanging off her body was agonizing, and she clenched her fist.  _ One more step, Vanessa. Lean forward. You can do it. _

In excruciating pain, Vanessa was able to drag herself forward just one more step, stretching to grab the book. She fell back onto the couch, already exhausted just from that one small action. Her leg was dead, no doubt about it. Something had definitely fried inside her, and she wasn’t well-versed enough in her own body to know what. Ivy… Ivy knew every crook, every stupid little component that wouldn’t cooperate long enough for Vanessa to grab a stupid book, by heart. She’d nearly memorized Ivy’s body, too—Vanessa could tell you exactly where each exposed panel of metal was. And yet, she couldn’t even diagnose the problem in her own flesh. Or… wiring, perhaps. Vanessa heaved a sigh. Ivy would fix this, she knew she would. Vanessa just had to hang in there for a little while longer. She cracked open the book—she’d definitely be here for some time, given the… leg that had completely stopped working. Vanessa sighed again, the soft exhale deafening in the quiet room. 

When she settled into reading, she could nearly forget the dull, throbbing pain that still threatened to make her pass out. It was one of Neko’s cheesy light novels—or, well, Vanessa kind of doubted the streamer could even read, given the thick layer of dust on the cover and the quick manner in which she’d given it away (“NEKO is too cool for silly books like this!”). She let her mind ease into the story, trying not to think about the pain that made the edges of her vision fuzzy. 

Vanessa nearly got through half of the book, before she heard Ivy’s voice, muffled, from the other room. “Vanessa?”

“Yeah!” she called back, snapping the book shut. Excited, she stood. A little too fast. For a second, her vision completely fizzled out. When she regained her senses, she realized she’d collapsed on the floor, curled on her side. She recognized Ivy, standing in front of her, hands over her mouth in shock. 

“Vanessa!” Ivy was kneeling next to her now. “Vanessa. Can you hear me?” Worry and hurt mixed in her voice, and Vanessa felt— _ guilt.  _ Guilt, in a voice whispering over and over to her, in her awful tin can of a head that she hated. She hated herself and everything she’d ever done to make Ivy’s life so much more difficult than it needed to be. 

“I’m… sorry,” she whispered. Her eyelids were so heavy. So, so heavy. She felt herself slipping into the empty void of non-functionality… surely closing her eyes for one second wouldn’t hurt… would it make Ivy’s life easier..?

“Vanessa!” Hearing her name, sharp in Ivy’s voice, brought the world in focus for a second. She coughed, weakly, as Ivy continued to speak. “Vanessa, what are you talking about?”

“For… making everything so hard for you.” 

“What?! No, no, no—“ Then, she felt Ivy’s arms support her, lifting her up to a sitting position. She slumped forward into Ivy’s chest. “Vanessa! Please, stay with me…” Ivy choked. “You are not a burden to me, you have  _ never _ made anything more difficult. Please.” Her voice broke on the final word, and Vanessa felt herself being pulled in closer to Ivy. “Please.”

“I… I—“ Vanessa forced herself to speak, forced the stuck-together lump of words out of her throat. “I… you were working. I didn’t want to bother you…”

“Vanessa.” Ivy rocked back and forth, cradling Vanessa in her arms. “Vanessa, please. Please tell me these things. You have to…”

“But I’ve already made so many things hard for you, Ivy…”

“No,” Ivy said, sharply, although her composure dissolved a second later. “All of that was my choice. It wasn’t your fault that I went after you… Vanessa, you have to know something.” Ivy took a shuddering breath. “If something happened to you. If I… If I lost you again… I would never, ever forgive myself.” A sob racked her chest. “Please. You are the most important thing to me. You will  _ always  _ be the most important thing to me. Please. Please  _ try  _ to hold on.” Vanessa felt a hand stroking her hair.

She exhaled. “Okay. Okay.” 

“Can you move at all?” Ivy said, after a moment, her tone more level now. 

Vanessa paused. “I’m okay… mostly… I think. It’s just my legs… one of them won’t move at all, and the other hurts every time I try to take a step.”

“Okay. It could be worse… are your senses functioning?”

...She hesitated for a second. “Not—completely. Sometimes, the pain will make everything disappear…”

“Okay.” Ivy nodded. Vanessa could feel the movement of her head against her shoulder. She heard Ivy grunt as she pulled herself to a standing position, pulling Vanessa after her. She was grateful for the support, leaning onto Ivy’s shoulder. 

“Just hold on. I’ll take you into the workshop, okay?... I might have to open your leg up.” 

“It’s fine.” Vanessa gritted her teeth. “Do whatever you have to.” 

With Ivy’s support, it was a lot easier getting into the room and pushing herself up on the workbench. She propped her right leg up next to her, and Ivy stepped closer to take a look, undoing a hatch on Vanessa’s calf. Vanessa leaned back on her hands, watching Ivy work. 

Ivy glanced up, catching Vanessa’s gaze. “You’re lucky I walked in when I did… this could have gotten a lot worse.”

Vanessa blinked. “I know… I should have told you sooner, right?”

Ivy closed up the leg, then motioned for Vanessa to switch legs. She quickly complied, moving her left leg up on the workbench. 

“Yes… this could have been avoided if you had told me at first. How long has the leg been bothering you?”

“...Nearly twelve hours.” 

“ _ Vanessa.” _

“I’m sorry!” She buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m…”

Finishing up the other leg, Ivy hurried to take Vanessa’s trembling hands in her own. “Nessa… don’t apologize. I know that you must feel awful about everything that happened, but that wasn’t  _ you.  _ You are  _ not _ a burden to me. And we’re going to work through it all together, okay?” Ivy pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

Vanessa took a shaky breath, and nodded. 

“Can you try to stand up for me?” 

“Okay.” She hopped off the workbench, exhaling in relief when neither of her legs gave out. 

Ivy pulled her close, and Vanessa rested her head on her shoulder. “I love you. And I’m here for you.”

“I love you too…” Vanessa breathed, closing her eyes. So many things were broken. But maybe she would be able to mend them, make them even stronger, together with Ivy. 


End file.
